Arrrrrr!: Pirates Make Cubs Walk the Plank into Ocean of Mediocrity

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So let's get this straight. Last night's Pirates pitcher, Charlie Morton, had an ERA of 12.57 coming into the game. He'd been absolutely owned by crapsville teams like the Astros and the Brewers, who clubbed him for five runs in one inning. And yet Morton almost looked like the second coming of Bob Feller last night, holding the North Siders to five hits and a mere two runs over six innings. It wasn't like the Cubs left men on-base — they just didn't get enough hits. Ted Lilly wasn't great, but he deserved a better fate. Then again, so did Lou Piniella and any Cubs fan who watched this game.

ESPN Chicago: Morton bounces back to lead Pirates past Cubs [+ video]
Chicago Sun-Times: On road, Cubs not so hot
Daily Herald: Bats dormant — again — as Cubs road woes continue
MLB: It's in with the new but same ol' from Cubs [+ video]

Owner of a Lonely Chart: Tom Ricketts Is One of Them Math Nerds
Cubs owner Tom Ricketts has hit the big time — he was written up in the latest Sports Illustrated. The profile treads familiar ground, noting Ricketts met his wife in the bleachers, is a "data-driven 'quant guy,'" and uses terms like "delta analysis." Hey, we don't care if he sings "The Macarena" while wearing a clown suit if he can turn this team around. Agony & Ivy analyzes the story and advises Ricketts to leave the baseball issues to others. Otherwise, we might see a repeat of the Dallas Green situation, in which a savvy baseball man was driven away by bean counter meddling.

Sports Illustrated: C'mon, Cubbies, do the math!
Agony & Ivy: Mr. Ricketts, stay out of the clubhouse

Picking on the Sick & the Weak: Is Soriano Padding His Stats on Bad Pitchers?
We're not fond of people who rain on parades, kick puppies, remind the teacher she didn't give us homework, etc. But the Sun-Times makes a point about Alfonso Soriano's recent hot streak: He's faced some pretty crappy pitchers. The guys Soriano has victimized recently have an average ERA of 6.64 — not exactly Maddux-esque. And the Cubs are 8-9 over their last 17 games, so it's not like he's carrying the team to the promised land. But hey, he still hit five homers over a four-game span. We'll take it.

Chicago Sun-Times: Typical Soriano — hot when it doesn't matter

The Mess Milton's Made: Bradley's Neverending Drama Continues
Where to begin with the latest Milton Bradley news? So after going 0-3 with two strikeouts in Seattle on Monday night, Bradley had a meltdown and essentially told manager Don Wakamatsu, "I'm done." Then Bradley left the stadium whilst the game was still going on. We were ready to pile on, but then we read that Bradley has reached out to management and admitted he needs help with emotional issues. (We are battling mightily the desire to say, "No effing sh*t!") So... we'll see what happens next.

Seattle Times: Milton Bradley to Mariners: 'Can You Help Me?'
View from the Bleachers: Milton Bradley: Chasing Demons

Critique This!: Trib Food Critic Reviews New Wrigley Grub, Says, "Yum."
Venerated Trib food writer Phil Vettel isn't just about the snapper with yuba and toasted sesame at Alinea. No, he's a man of the people, and he checked out the new eats at Wrigley. He calls the bison hot dog the best in the park, boasting "meaty flavor and a satisfying bite." He likes the Italian Cub (not "Club" -- clever!) and says the buffalo burger is "very nice," but dubs the $15 Big Slugger Nachos, which weighs in at a robust two pounds, a "monstrosity."

Chicago Tribune: New items, new venues highlight the eating options for...

Today's Report by Joel Reese

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